Keep holding on

Drama drama and drama. Though I enjoy watching them, I never like participating in them. Since the beginning of my relationship, my life has never been experiencing so much ups and downs in this short period of time. One word to describe it, Drama. Everyday ends with a suspend. Like all audiences, I hate suspends too. Finally we talked about it and decided to put this crazy act of us to rest. We just agreed to take us casually. The episode started with the breaking of the news of my family is moving to Bandar Seri Kembangan 2 months later. It was expected but still hard to accept. Especially to us, which literately seeing each other almost everyday and every hour now since the beginning of the relationship. A weekend break is enough to make us restless and nausea in a way. He is now living just a few blocks away from my house for almost 20 years and when we finally found each other here comes separation. Everyone can easily imagine the frustration in us. But what can we do but follow our destiny. He has been in lotsa stress over the issue and I am seriously tired of holding our relationship so tense. I can see stress in him, thought he denies it, he is going till his limit to make this relationship work out as how he dream of. I can see his frustration, just like he can see that I'm losing all my energy for both of us. I know he hates it when this kinda decision has to be made, nor me likes the fact that its time for us to keep our hands off for a minute, let our long held tight fist rest for a moment. Not a break, but just let us not seeing every single second. Sigh.. I am the one who suggest that because I am really tired, and stressed up till I'm now having two period in a month. I am also afraid that he can't take it when I need to move, the first few months will be hell for both of us if we still can't get used to not seeing each other day and night. Eventually one day we need to have our own career and more and more commitments that we can't run away from. Even after we marry, how can I bear nights without him, how can he bears meals without me? We will need to face the day that we can no longer be the Siamese twin anymore eventually. I am clear that there are risks to this decision too. I am afraid that I might lose him over other girls, where he no longer finds me interesting and might even think that perhaps I'm not the one. But like he said, if we are meant to be, we are meant to be. This can just be a small test for us to build up our firm foundation of trusting each other. I do care much about us, as I am already all out for this bet. I just pray for the best to happen. I still believe every opsticle that comes between us is just a test for us. After 20 years of turning in the merry-go-round, we are still able to find each other, whatever comes can never stop our love. I hope he understands me that I'm not pushing him away. I wish he knows.