I have urge to cry

I had a dream last night. A sweet dream I would say because it was what I desired for all this while happening. When I woke up, everything was gone. I realise it wasn’t true. I felt disappointed, but I tried all I can to stay in control. I woke up and continue the day. It was a fine day. Everything went normal except it was raining cats and dogs outside. I put on my earplug and listening to my music. I was singing until suddenly a weird flow of emotion ran through me. Suddenly I was attacked by flashbacks and I can no longer control my urge to cry. I cried my heart out, just like how I wanted to do since long long time ago. I though I can no longer do that, I couldn’t. Perhaps it would make me feel weak. Didn’t know how much time passed by and I finally picked myself up. I was able to go through the evening, holding back my tears. Finally I called him. It was friendly. For the whole time how much I wish I was brave enough to tell him what I was thinking. But I didn’t. What difference can it makes anyway. I am still holding on myself. Staying as emotionaless as I can. I must learn a way to live with this. It’s over and that’s the truth. Who else can help me understand that other then myself.