The vow

I went for a movie 'pirates of the carrebean'. There was a scene where Elizabeth and William speak their vows and got married in the middle of a bettle. I nearly break my tears there. I was once, said a vow to a person, 'to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.' It hits me like a train. God knows I want to keep that, I suer with my life, and I miss him so so much, but he won't come back. We won't come back. I am not okey as I said. This is crazy doing this everyday. Keep remind myself it's over it's over, when I started to stand a little, I drop back into it, deeper and deeper each time. No one can help me accept myself. For now I have no idea what to do. I thought as everyone said, time will heal me, it's not true till now. All I wanna do now is just cover my head with a pillow and cry my heart out.