Clueless.. aimless

I can feel something is fighting inside but yet I'm acting cool and calm. I can't control myself anymore from thinking of my ex. All I can do now is just control myself from calling or seeing him, plead for his attention. I tried to focus on more important or happy things, but I won't actually work. I hope I'm not falling back again. I'm still going for a date tomorrow with an old friend of mine. Just want to cheer myself up a bit. I thought since last week I totally forgotten to think about his issue, I really had let it go. From then I won't be crying alone in my room pethatically anymore. Holiday is starting next week. If I don't try to fix this by then, I'm sure I'll be going back to the pethatic me last few months again. I have the urge to cry now, but why cry for him?