I'm entering college finally

I took a leave today and went Wisma MCA to hand in the IPTA appeal. Ironically, I went to Taylors' College to get myself registered into the media management programme. I have no idea what I'm doing. The whole day I wasn't feeling like myself. Feel like something is controlling me. Then blurry, I'm registered and paid 500 bucks of not refundable registration fee. No turning back. WTH.. Then my mom was planning to let me stay there while studying there too and it isn't cheap. I'm applying PTPTN loan. Hopefully I can get so that I can pay my own debt. At least for the rent for the stay there. I really hate burdening anyone. Especially my family. I hate to ask for money from the family. And having them to pay my expensive college fees makes me feel so so guilty. Just makes me feel wrong the whole body. Mom said just take it as their loan to me, and I have to pay them back after I'm graduate. Sigh.. I guess that's the only I can do to help the situation. I am really in a blur mode today. I even forgotten that I had tuition today and I went to cook. Until a parent rang me up, then only I flew to the kindergarten and start my class. Even when I'm cooking, I wasn't sure I had I dump into the pot and wok. Well, hopefully no one gets sick after tonight. I was disturbed. Probably because of the idea of moving away from home. Well, away from home seems like a wonderful idea few days ago, until I found out my new place of staying might be potentially Wifi- less. I'll live happily without a TV but not my Internet. I'll bored to death in less than a week. And besides that, there's one more thing tying me here. I have been missing him since ages ago. I was trying to avoid to speak or write about him simply because I don't wanna get emo again. It'd produce endless flashback for the entire night (or worse.. nights). And all these emo things, just sound a little too annoying to say it over and over again. I hasn't really been happy since that heart break. Time isn't doing a good job here.